He moved his stupid sneakers into my new place three weeks ago, swear to god, and then some girl popped up in our flatwarming group chat thanking us for 'crowdfunding their honeymoon flights'. Turns out my devoted boyfriend is engaged back home and used my registry to fund his wedding trip. Am I supposed to throw his crap out the window or what?

Short and sweet: the window is tempting, but bags neatly packed on the curb saves you an annoying visit from the police. What you’re dealing with here isn’t a clumsy misunderstanding, it’s an audition for Villain of the Year. The sheer brass neck it takes to unpack socks in your new flat while tricking your friends into financing his romantic getaway with someone else is genuinely breathtaking. He didn't just cheat on you; he tried to make you sponsor his double life. Do not waste another second asking 'why' or listening to whatever sad violin story he tries to spin. Your next move is purely logistical. Pack his boxes, put them by the door, and text him exactly this: 'Your bags are outside, leave the keys in the letterbox, we are completely done.' Then drop the truth into that group chat so the girl back home knows what kind of prize she's marrying. Hand him his boarding pass to nowhere—your first apartment deserves better than a walking scam.