I feel awful even asking, but my dating app match basically moved into my first solo apartment. Every time I set a boundary, he goes ice-cold and theatrically packs his suitcase to punish me. Yesterday he stormed out over dishes, leaving his laptop open—and I saw messages proving he never had a lease, he was couch-surfing before me. Did I push him away, or was I just free rent?

Deep breath and put the guilt down: you didn’t ruin a romance, you accidentally adopted a freeloader with a flair for the dramatic. The silent treatment and performative suitcase-packing weren’t signs of a bruised heart. They were calculated defense mechanisms. By keeping you terrified of driving him away, he made sure you’d feel too anxious to ever demand rent, boundaries, or washed pans. The moment someone threatens to leave your house as a power move while having nowhere else on earth to sleep, the bluff is called. Next time he reappears expecting you to apologize for existing in your own living room, don't play along. Hand him whatever he left behind at the door and say calmly: "This living arrangement isn't working for me, so you'll need to find your next spot." Then change the locks if you gave him a key. Pop some champagne for your first solo apartment tonight—you finally have the whole place to yourself.