I honestly thought my swim-club situationship had a secret fiancée with how fast he deletes my texts. Turns out it's dumber: his psycho older brother literally audits his WhatsApp and punishes him with extra laps and no car if he texts outside practice hours. We are in our twenties?! Am I supposed to sneak around like a high schooler or just ditch this whole mess?

Short answer: You’re hooking up with an adult, not smuggling contraband into a maximum-security Olympic training camp. Take a breath—at least you aren't the side piece. But you are dealing with a grown guy whose older brother acts like a dystopian sports warden with full admin rights over his life. It sounds exhausting, and frankly, hiding your messages like you’re doing something illegal is a massive mood killer. Family control this intense is tough to untangle, but it’s his battle, not your covert mission. Sneaking around will only make you resent him, and adult intimacy doesn't work under parental-style surveillance. Give him a reality check without being cruel: “I like you, but I’m not playing hide-and-seek with your brother. If we’re hanging out, you need to handle your own phone.” If he chooses burpees and curfews over stepping up, let him stay in his lane. You deserve someone who can text you back without checking over his shoulder.