I just moved into my first flat, my boyfriend is 300 miles away, and I’m losing my mind over my taken neighbor. I spoofed my Tinder location to see if his girlfriend was sneaking around, matched with a shady burner profile, and it turns out SHE made it to spy on him. Now she’s DMing me demanding to know who I am. I feel so guilty and stupid, how do I get out of this?

Deep breath: welcome to your very own amateur spy sitcom, where nobody wins an Oscar and everyone needs to delete the app immediately. First, drop the phone. You don’t owe this girl a confession. Just unmatched, block, and let her private eye drama play out without you as a guest star. If she ever asks in the hallway, your line is simple: "I have no idea what you’re talking about." And leave it there. Now for the real mess: the neighbor isn’t your problem, and his girlfriend’s trust issues definitely aren't either. You’re in a brand-new apartment, miles away from your actual partner, and instead of dealing with being lonely or questioning your long-distance thing, you staged a full-blown sting operation on the couple down the hall. Crushes on cute neighbors happen, especially when your real life feels far away, but using Tinder GPS hacks to engineer a scandal is your brain’s weird way of dodging your own feelings. Log out of the burner account, unpack the rest of your moving boxes, and call your boyfriend. Time to figure out what you actually want right here in the real world.