I literally survived a four-day road trip on iced coffee and mints because TikTok convinced me that cool girls don’t have digestive tracts. I was so terrified my stomach would growl or bloat next to my crush in the car that I basically starved myself. We’re back, nobody died, but I’m furious at myself. How did I let an algorithm convince me that having internal organs is unsexy?

First off: congratulations on surviving your self-inflicted hostage situation, but please go eat a sandwich right now. TikTok’s 'effortless perfection' aesthetic is a curated fairytale produced by people who edit out their burps and live on ring lights. Here is a quick biological reality check: an empty stomach doesn’t go discreetly quiet. It echoes like an angry washing machine in an abandoned cave. By starving yourself to prevent noise, you actually turned up the digestive acoustics. Nobody worth sharing a passenger seat with expects you to be an ethereal hologram who photosynthesizes. If this crush is worth your time, they like the human version of you—the one with blood, bones, and normal human metabolism. The next time hunger hits, try owning it with a grin: 'My stomach is filing a formal complaint, pull into the next diner.' Humor cuts through embarrassment every single time. You’re a person, not an aesthetic mood board. Feed yourself.