I'm literally staring at clear egg-white discharge on toilet paper in my new bathroom, hyperventilating. We hooked up on day four of my period and just pulled out, which I thought was zero risk anyway... but honestly, I also swore his old Tinder bio said "proudly sterile since '19"? Turns out that was a meme about shooting blanks in Call of Duty. Am I in massive trouble?

First: take a deep breath, and step away from the toilet paper origami. No, pulling out on your period isn't bulletproof—sperm can loiter around for up to five days like unwanted party guests, and early ovulation does happen. But panicking won't rewind the clock, action will. If that bedroom adventure was within the last 72 to 120 hours, put on some pants, walk into a pharmacy, and ask the pharmacist about emergency contraception (the "morning-after pill"). They deal with this daily and will tell you which pill fits your exact cycle window. Also, grab a pregnancy test for roughly two to three weeks from now so you can stop obsessing. As for your new guy: sit him down on your fresh sofa and say: "Hey, before we play Russian roulette with your gamer memes again, we need an actual birth control plan." A guy's Tinder bio is great for comic relief, terrible for family planning. You'll handle this—just get the pharmacy run out of the way today.