I poured my aching heart into a TikTok confession for my exchange crush across the ocean, hit post, and finally felt like I could breathe again. Then he duetted it. Cheering me on. Telling me to "totally go for this lucky mystery guy" because "he’d be an idiot to say no." Dr Gnoxx, every single line was literally describing him. I want the ground to swallow me whole.

First off: step back from the edge of that metaphorical abyss—you haven't failed, you’ve just run headfirst into terminal boy-blindness. People are shockingly terrible at realizing they’re the main character in someone else's story, especially through a screen across several time zones. His brain didn’t miss the clues because he’s playing games; it missed them because nobody assumes a romantic video floating on an algorithm is actually about them. We're wired to miss what's right under our noses. Here’s the wild silver lining: he already reviewed his own application and decided you're a catch. He literally called himself an idiot if he passed on you. Don’t leave him wandering in the dark. Slide into his DMs with his own duet and write: "Bold of you to hype yourself up like that." Or simply: "So about that mystery guy... check your mirror." Terrifying? Yes. But you already survived confessing your feelings to the entire internet. Go collect your plot twist.