I spent three days having a quiet panic attack over my weight before meeting my long-distance boyfriend at a huge party, especially after our group chat spent hours making 'tall king and tiny queen' memes. I felt like an oversized potato walking in. But then he arrived walking like a newborn giraffe because he literally shoved massive shoe-lifts into his sneakers so he wouldn't look shorter than me?? My brain has completely short-circuited, how do I even process this?

Take a deep breath and let out that laugh you're holding in: you just witnessed mutual insecurity cancel itself out in real time. While you were agonizing over feeling like a giant potato, he was frantically stuffing three inches of foam into his Vans like a teenage secret agent. Group chats and screen-only dating do that to our brains. We construct these absurd, millimeter-precise standards out of thin air, completely forgetting that the person on the other end is just as terrified of not matching the fantasy. He didn't notice whatever body flaw you were fixating on; he was too busy trying not to snap his ankles on the dance floor. Cut the tension and give both of your nervous systems a break. Pull him aside somewhere quiet and say with a grin: "I adore you, but please take those Frankenstein stompers off before you tear an ACL—I just want the real you." Perfection is overrated anyway; bonding over shared dorkiness lasts a whole lot longer.