I spent three days spiraling over shredded TikTok girls because my hormones decided to bloat me like a pufferfish right before my Tinder date. I was terrified of getting naked. Then he sits down, instantly blurts out that sex is off the table because of emergency hernia surgery, and reveals an identical compression band to mine. Why did I even waste tears on this?!

Laugh. Definitely laugh—and then burn your TikTok algorithm as a thank-offering to the gods of irony. You just stumbled into the most sacred truth of dating: while you were mentally torturing yourself comparing a real, fluctuating human body to teenagers flexing under studio ring lights, your date was popping painkillers and praying his stitches wouldn't pop. Bodies aren't static trophies meant to look like plastic cutting boards 24/7. They bloat, they bleed, they get unexpected abdominal repairs, and they swell when hormones do their thing. You two just skipped past the awkward 'trying to look flawless' phase and landed straight into genuine human territory. Next time your mind tells you that you're unworthy of affection because of basic biology, remember this moment. Clink your glasses together, order whatever comfort food you want, and tell him: 'May our matching elastic support bands be the start of something beautiful.' Real attraction happens in the hilarious mess of real life, not on a Pilates mat.