I spent two hours sweating on my parents' couch trying not to throw up from sheer panic every time our hands brushed because I wanted to take things slow. Then they walk out the front door, ping my phone two minutes later, and text: 'Thanks, this confirmed I think I'm aromantic.' Excuse me? Since when am I a free trial demo?!

First off: Ouch, but congratulations on surviving an emotional washing machine set to spin cycle. You were on that sofa mentally fighting for your life trying to respect your own pace, while they were sitting there silently stressing over whether their romantic engine even turns on. It feels downright insulting to be treated like an interactive science fair project, but take a breath: this has zero to do with how desirable you are or where you drew your boundaries. They were fumbling through their own identity crisis and handled the landing with all the grace of a dropped bowling ball. You don’t have to play the cool, understanding saint here. Being annoyed is the only sane reaction. If you want to reply, keep it crystal clear: "Glad you got some clarity, but turning our date into a test lab sucked." The silver lining? You protected your boundaries even when your pulse was racing. Next time, save that sofa space for someone who is actually showing up for *you*, not just taking a self-discovery quiz.