My long-distance partner begged for an open relationship last week for 'fairness'—and I just found their brand new Tinder profile set to my hometown. The bio literally says they want to hook up with someone from my rowing crew to get 'insider dirt' on me. Is this a psychotic joke, or do I burn everything down right now?

Short and painless: put down the matches, hit the block button, and run. What you’re looking at isn't an open relationship; it’s an amateur espionage mission with raging insecurity as the captain. Polyamory and open setups require extreme trust and crystal-clear boundaries. Hunting specifically in your boathouse like a desperate undercover tabloid reporter is just wildly toxic mind games. They didn't want ethical non-monogamy. They wanted control, drama, and a backdoor pass to your private life. Take a screenshot for your own sanity so they can't gaslight you later with 'it was just banter.' Then send one calm, ice-cold sentence: "Saw your Tinder bio. You can collect all the gossip you want now, because we're done." Don't scream, don't negotiate, don't ask for explanations. Rowing is a team sport, but your breakup shouldn't be. Keep your dignity, protect your locker room peace, and leave them paddling alone in their own mess.