My third Bumble date insisted on Life360 for "safety," then staked out our local motel convinced I was cheating. Instead of catching me—I was literally returning a vacuum cleaner to my aunt at front desk—he caught his own deeply religious mom sneaking out with the manager. How fast should I run?

Short answer: at the speed of sound, right after you wipe that tracking app off your phone forever. Let’s be crystal clear: demanding location tracking on date three isn’t "sweet concern," it’s putting you on a digital ankle monitor. Normal dates swap favorite bands; insecure control freaks play FBI surveillance. Staking out a parking lot ready to fight someone proves he wasn’t just suspicious—he was looking for an excuse to cage you. Karma, however, clearly has an impeccable sense of humor. While you were innocently returning household appliances, this guy detonated his own family dynamic. That is poetic justice on an Olympic level. You don’t owe him an explanation, an alibi, or a front-row seat to his meltdown. Send him one clean sentence: "Demanding my location on date three was unhinged, and we’re done." Then block him across the board before he tries to make his mother's secret romance your fault. Let him explain Sunday dinner to his mom. You just dodged an entire surveillance state.