Our mutual friends spent last night reciting drunk texts between me and my ex while the two of us were literally stuck sitting opposite each other in the booth. How do you survive that without melting into the floor?

You survive it by killing the performance—friends only treat your past like stand-up comedy when nobody calls out how cheap the laughs are. Most of the time, people don't do this out of cruelty; they do it because awkward history feels like harmless sitcom drama to everyone who wasn't involved. The trouble is that freezing up or looking embarrassed just feeds the room. Awkward silence gives them space to keep digging, and your discomfort becomes part of the show. You don't have to team up with your ex to stop this, but you do have to break the rhythm. Next time someone pulls out an old receipt or starts quoting late-night messages, look directly at whoever is talking and give them a flat, bored redirect: “Alright, old news. Let’s find something else to talk about.” Saying it calmly—without laughing along and without throwing a fit—instantly turns the dynamic around. It makes them look petty rather than funny. You endured the worst booth hangout imaginable. Next time, let them be the ones who feel awkward for overstepping.