Turns out my 'sweet' work bestie wasn't interested in me at all—she was plotting to sugar-baby my mom. She spent weeks grilling me about my mom’s divorce and savings under the guise of 'caring'. Today at lunch her Tinder lit up: age filter maxed out to 55+, targeting my mom's exact neighborhood. I'm furious that my first real job came with a wannabe stepmom. How do I shut this down?

First things first: you are not crazy, and you are definitely not paranoid. Your coworker isn't looking for a supportive work buddy; she is treating your desk like an all-access pass to your mom's bank account. Using someone's entry-level job as an undercover scouting mission for a wealthy partner is wildly unprofessional and deeply weird. Time for an immediate information blackout. No more family updates, no casual venting about home. The next time she smiles sweetly and probes into your mom’s weekend, hit her with a cool: "My mom's life is totally private, and I keep my family off the clock. So, where are we with those project files?" Step two: warn your mother immediately. Send her a heads-up: "Hey, someone from my office is aggressively filtering for older singles in your neighborhood on Tinder. If she pops up, swipe left with the fury of a thousand suns." Keep it strictly business from 9 to 5, let the awkward silence do the heavy lifting, and let your fake friend hunt for her trust fund elsewhere.